When anger rises in me, I often see two paths in front of me: to respond in outburst or reaction or to stuff it down and ignore it. Let’s be honest, if I am angry enough at the trigger, I don’t actually see those two options before reacting in an outburst! The issue with those options are reaction and rage feels like I am not in control and I feel powerless and often embarrassed. Instead, when I stuff the emotion or ignore it, I am left with the need to numb or escape it. All the time still actually carrying it with me somewhere deep down to maybe explode later or remain as a heavy rock of despair and hopelessness.
What if there is a third option? Anger has a voice, a message under the emotion that is highlighting an opportunity for me. If I can pause and listen to that message with a heart to learn, I will receive new healing and freedom from my past experiences that keep me repeating my past rather than going somewhere new. Let me share an example:
A few years back, I had just gotten back from a powerful trip where the Lord moved mighty in my life. I was picking up Zoey from preschool and the teacher said, “You need to send her with a warmer coat. She is cold.” In a somewhat condescending tone (at least through my filter of listening). I said ok and walked quickly away, offended. All through lunch I was stewing about how inappropriate and judgmental that was. I started thinking how I should send an email to the head teacher on how this teacher was talking to parents and needed to work on bedside manner and on and on my brain was wrestling. The other voice in my head was starting to stir up shame: See Amy, you are not changed from your trip. The first thing you encounter and you pick up anger and not love… So as I sat there thoughts running through my head, the Lord reminded me offense is opportunity to see what is going on in my own heart. A new opportunity for fresh revelation and healing for me. So I dropped my kids back at childcare after lunch and spent some time in prayer asking the Lord where this heightened emotion was coming from. Even though the teacher could work on her tone and how she came across, the message she was sharing was for my benefit. We were on the same team in wanting what was best for my daughter. So where was my response coming from. I asked the Lord to show me where this anger was coming from and He showed me a memory of when Zoey was a week old. We ended up in children’s hospital because she was severely dehydrated and underweight and I didn’t even know. At that time I picked up a lie and a fear that a good mom would know what their child needs and I don’t know what my child needs. So when the teacher was pointing out the need for Zoey to have a warmer coat and the consequence of her being cold, it hit a nerve reaffirming a little “t” truth (lie rather) that I was not a good mom and didn’t know what my daughter needed. Now identifying that lie, the Lord was able to speak truth over my value and worth and that He loves my children more than I do and will bring aids to help with caring for them when needed. In listening to the voice of my anger and what was underneath it, rather than feeding it into rage and justice/revenge or rather than stuffing it and ignoring, I was given a gift of new freedom and peace my good Father wanted to give me in a place I did not even realize I was living in: fear and unworthiness as a mom.
So when an emotion, such as anger, rises up in me, I don’t need to let it lead me to where ever it will take me: rage, bitterness, hated. I also don’t need to stuff it and ignore so I can walk in pseudo peace, looking good from the outside. I can actually see it as opportunity to listen to its voice, its message for powerful Truth and new freedom. From that spot of peace and rest, I can decide how to move forward in the situation in front of me. What is the voice of anger trying to tell you today?