“I never texted that person back.” That was my first thought that spiraled into many anxious and irrational thoughts in the middle of the night last night. Does this happen to any of you? It seems that when I’m up in the middle of the night, my rational brain is still sleeping, like all of me should be! On the other hand, the irrational, more emotional part of my brain seems to go on high alert if I find myself awake around 3:00 a.m. My 1-year-old has been up more lately in the middle of the night and has been having trouble getting back to bed, which means I also have trouble getting back to sleep. Last night, I had this itching thought that I had forgotten to respond to someone’s text. Other thoughts followed in a similar train that at least seemed more reasonable in terms of timeliness, things forgotten yesterday or things needing to be done tomorrow, such as when I will pick up milk or coordinating rides for the playdate.
Then, they slowly get more irrational and more filled with anxiety. I started thinking about the “immediate” need to figure out child care for a day in three weeks and that I needed to prep a teaching for next month! They continue to get more hypothetical and even more filled with irrational worry. Am I doing everything I’m supposed to be as a mom, or am I failing them? Am I a good wife? What am I doing with my life? Is it filled with meaning and purpose? Am I behind somehow in life? Once it gets to this point, it is just a spiral, and again, my logical brain, no matter how hard I try to arouse it with logical responses, seems to still be slumbering.
From previous experience, I know that when the sun rises, all these things will feel much smaller and back in their rightful place, so I’ve learned the best thing to do in those spirals in the middle of the night of irrational, anxious to-do’s, is to attempt to put them on a shelf in my mind assuring myself I will look at it in the morning. If you’ve experienced this, you know it’s not that easy, but it actually takes my brain to think of something else.
This is where I go to my secret super tool for most of the time whenever I get stuck in an emotion. I go to gratitude. There is something about gratitude that is a shortcut to restoring my peace and joy. I think of Lamentations 3:21, which says, “This I call to mind, and therefore, I have hope.” I don’t wait for my mind to calm down or to figure everything out rationally. I call to mind things I’m grateful for. I choose gratitude, and then the peace of mind returns. In the middle of the night, for me, this looks like starting to pray and just simply speaking out the things I’m thankful for. Thank you, Jesus, for my family. Thank you for the son we adopted this year, the gift you gave us. Thank you for sweet time with my children on winter break. Thank you for the food and the resources you’ve given us. The list can continue on and on as I start to say specifics of the things that I’m thankful for in my life and about who the Lord is and His character. This helps me to meditate on the gifts and the things I have, rather than on the lack. Meditating on lack is not just frustration or sadness about something that I want and don’t have yet, but it also looks like anxiety about the things that I haven’t accomplished yet. So, I’m thankful for a new day and that his Joy comes with the morning every time (Psalm 30:5)). Will you join me today in meditating on the Lord’s faithfulness and, in gratitude, verbally speaking out the things you are thankful for today?